On Tuesday, the political fate of America was once again put to a vote. But for the millions of Americans who believe in lizard people, this vote had bigger implications — like thwarting an ongoing plot of world domination.
The idea of shape-shifting lizards taking human forms in a plot to rule America and the world has become one of the most majestic and marvelous conspiracy theories created by mankind (or lizardkind, if you will). In 2008, "lizard people" found its way onto the Minnesota's midterm ballot with some controversy.
As pundits extrapolate on what the Republican win in the midterms means for the country, there are people around this country who hope their votes did something crucial — kept the country safe from lizard people for the next few years.
Here is a brief guide to this world of lizard people true believers.
What is a lizard person?
It's just what it sounds like.
Lizard people are cold-blooded humanoid reptilians who have the power to shape-shift into human form. According to David Icke, a new-age philosopher and one of the most prominent theorists in the lizard people game, these creatures have had their claws in humankind since ancient time, and world leaders like Queen Elizabeth, George W. Bush, the Clintons, and Bob Hope are all lizard people.
"Encroaching on other conspiracy theorists' territory, Icke even claims that the lizards are behind secret societies like the Freemasons and the Illuminati," Time reported.
Icke's 1998 book, The Biggest Secret, is considered an important tome in lizard people theory.
Wait. People actually believe in this stuff?
Yes.
How many Americans believe in lizard people?
Back in April of 2013, Public Policy Polling conducted a poll about conspiracy theories like aliens, an impostor Paul McCartney, and, of course, lizard people. And the polling organization found that 4 percent of Americans believe in lizard people, while another 7 percent were unsure. Taken to its absurd extreme, that would imply around 12 million Americans, Philip Bump, a lizard person scholar and writer at the Washington Post, found. (Public Policy Polling is a serious outlet, but it's also known for some trolly polls, so these results have to be taken with a grain of salt.)
Keep in mind that this might not be counting all the people who, in their heart of hearts, believe that lizard people exist but are nervous that they will be found out if they publicly disclose their beliefs.
How do those who believe in lizard people know when someone is a lizard person?
There are many differing theories. If you look at the forums on Icke's site, there are numerous posts either telling people how to spot lizard people or asking how to pick a lizard person out from the crowd.
Bump, one of the top lizard person journalists in the field, made a handy guide last year that culled lizard-person identifiers. Here's the list of lizard person tells:
- Green eyes
- Good eyesight or hearing
- Having red hair
- A sense of not belonging to the human race
- Unexplained scars on the body
- Love of space
- Low blood pressure
But, there's also the theory that these physical attributes mean nothing. "Ufochick," an avid contributor to the boards, explained that what makes lizard people lizard people is something that you can't see.
"It's about the soul inhabiting the body, not the physical body," ufochick reminds us all.
What do lizard people want?
World domination.
Where do lizard people come from?
Aside from people's paranoia, lizard people are thought to primarily come from the constellation Draco, though there are some theories that reptoids come from other systems like Sirius and Orion too. Basically, they're aliens.
Draco, is of course, the constellation that is allegedly shaped like a dragon or, if you go with its Latin name Draconem, it means "huge serpent." It's the eighth largest constellation. Reptoids from Draco are thought to be very tall and have retractable wings,.
Icke's believers say that lizard people have been visiting Earth since ancient times and breeding with humans, which results in more lizard people and more humans with the potential to be lizard people.
Is there any actual documentation of lizard people affecting the American government?
Nope, but sometimes lizard people make national news anyway. Back in the 2008 Minnesota Senate race, a man named Lucas Davenport created a national stir when he tabbed "Lizard People" as his write-in vote. Outlets like the Wall Street Journal and TV shows like Hardball noticed too. But Davenport wasn't an actual believer.
"A friend of mine, we didn't like the candidates, so we were at first going to write in revolution, because we thought that was good and to the point," Davenport told Minnesota Public Radio. "And then we thought the Lizard People would be even funnier, and there was kind of a running inside gag between some friends and I."
Davenport's vote was thrown out.
Which famous celebrities are allegedly lizard people?
Alleged lizard people are almost always A-listers. And the list of alleged lizard people includes Barack Obama, Donald Rumsfeld (showing that lizard people transcend party lines), Madonna, Katy Perry, Bill Clinton, and Angelina Jolie among others.
Am I a lizard person?
Possibly. Only you can know for sure. But hey, there are worse things you could be than a humanoid lizard with plans for world domination. That's pretty ambitious and admirable. Congratulations.
